The Simple Mental Fix to Gain the Courage to Take Chances

Have you ever paused before doing something, frozen in fear, as you thought to yourself:

"What if it goes poorly?"

• "What if it goes wrong?"
• "What if I get rejected?"
• "What if she says no?"

Don't beat yourself up – it's only natural that you instinctively feel that way.

We're wired to avoid failure.

We want to survive. We want to feel good.

We want to win.

So, we run from mistakes. We fear embarrassment. We stay in our comfort zones.

But the truth is, asking yourself "what if it goes poorly?" before taking action is holding yourself to a perspective that's grounded in misguidance.

We shouldn't be asking ourselves what if things went wrong.

The trick to overcoming doubt

If you simply flipped the coin over and looked at things a little differently, it's easy to minimize the fear and doubt that paralyzes you.

As I've said before, you can't win without risking losing, but being able to brave the risks is the key to achieving what you want in life.

Let's take a look at one common example.

My most popular article found on Google these days is about overcoming rejection in dating.

This one's especially for the guys out there, who tend to be the natural initiators in the dating world.

It's safe to say that most of us guys have at some point felt nervous or fear at the thought of asking out our crush, let alone talking to her.

Maybe your mind started running a million miles a minute at all the things that could go wrong:

• "What if she says no?"
• "What if she laughs at me?"
• "What if she gives me this disgusted look and walks off?"
• "I don't even think she likes me like that."
• "I'm gonna feel so embarrassed if she says no."

And like I said earlier, you're not wrong to feel this way.

You're probably just new to the game.

I used to struggle with asking my crush out.

I'd ask her to "hang out" as friends. I never told a girl she was cute or that I was interested in taking her on a date.

It took countless rejections, trial and error, and the determination to persist to get to where I am today.

And if you're struggling with those thoughts of doubt, and if you're suffocating under the weight of the idea of rejection, ask yourself this for me:

What if... she said yes?

• What if she also had a crush on you?
• What if she was waiting for you to ask?
• What if it turned out she thought that because you hadn't asked her out earlier, she thought you weren't interested, and she was about to go out with this other guy instead? And now she's changing her mind about going out with him because she's discovered you liked her too?

These are very real possibilities that hide behind your shroud of doubt and fear.

I can't give you the probabilities, but I can give you the possibilities.

She just might like you too.

Maybe she doesn't.

But if you muster the courage to ask her out, you'll have your answer.

You just have to change the way you look at the potential outcomes.

Don't let the idea of her potentially saying "no" paralyze you.

Think of how good it'd feel if she said "yes."

And think of what could follow if she does.

This is how people get married.

Stage fright or the spotlight?

One of my goals in life is to speak on stage in front of a large crowd.

Like a TED Talk. That'd be awesome.

Would I consider myself a confident person? Yes.

Does this mean I wouldn't get stage fright? No.

I've fine-tuned the way I see things, so I don't think about the potential downfalls of going on stage.

But as a matter of technicality, there are things that could go wrong if I get the opportunity to speak on stage:

• I might trip and fall flat on my face as I'm walking up to the mic.
• I might stutter over my words and feel embarrassed about it.
• In a moment of utter silence, I might let a fart rip and have the whole audience hear it.

But can you see how there are a million of these negative "what if's" ?

Do you see how they weigh on the mind?

They're your demons. They stop you from trying new things.

They hold you back from exploring new and uncharted territory.

But humanity didn't get to where it is today by staying in the comfort zone.

In my specific example of going up on stage, there are also a lot of good potential outcomes that I can lean into too.

• Maybe I'll get a standing ovation at the end of my speech.
• Maybe I'll have tons of people come up to me afterwards and I'll expand my network significantly.
• Maybe I'll inspire people in the crowd to take action to better their lives in one way or another.

There are a lot of things that can go right, too.

Would I ever see those come to fruition if I let the paralysis of doubt and fear consume me and hold me in place?

No.

And this is why you have to change your frame as far as how you look at potential outcomes.

Life is inherently a gamble.

There will always be room for things to go wrong.

But this also means that there's always room for things to go right.

And if you sat there in perpetuity only thinking about what could go wrong, you'd never make anything of yourself.

Take a look at my writing journey, for example.

As I've written previously, I didn't start writing because I wanted to change the world.

It was my outlet, and a way for me to get my thoughts and feelings out when I had no one to turn to, no one to confide in.

But I wrote as though I didn't care about doubt, fear, or what others thought of what I had to say.

10 years later, I've had readers in over 100 countries and I'm magazine-published.

When I first started, did I think my writing would ever amount to this much?

Not at all.

So, think of what's possible and what's waiting for you if you just started.

If you just took a chance.

Your future you has won in ways you haven't even seen yet.

And they need you and your help to get there.

Start by reframing the way you look at potential outcomes.

Don't drown in the "what if's" of things going wrong.

Dream of what could be if things went right.