Let’s face it: everyone gets down in the dumps at some point in their dating life.
Whether we get rejected for the most random of reasons, ghosted, or feel insecure about something, dating isn’t always going to be a walk in the park.
I‘m going to make a disclaimer that I wouldn’t consider myself a super successful dater. I’ve been on plenty of dates but I’ve only had one very short-lived relationship.
What I do bring to the table, however, is a very good understanding of how people and relationships work, as well as a concrete grip on truths in life that, when embraced, will help build an internal pillar of strength and set a solid foundation for unshakeable confidence.
Let’s go ahead and knock some of these common dating hurdles out and settle the score once and for all. Most of these are for men, but women may find some of these helpful too.
1. “She rejected me because I’m too short.”
A classic rejection. Standing at 5 feet 7 inches tall (or 170 cm), I’ve actually never been rejected because of my height (at least I’ve never been told that was the case), but my empathy goes out to those who have.
It’s no surprise there’s a common joke going around that men have to be at least 6 feet tall to be even considered an eligible prospect.
There are many men out there who’ve been shot down just because something that’s beyond their control didn’t fit someone’s picky criteria.
Out of all the traits that paint your dating profile, height is one of those things you definitely can’t blame yourself for. So in the end, you really shouldn’t be beating yourself up over it, nor should you be entertaining the people who will reject you because of it.
Everyone has a right to have their own tastes and preferences, and if there’s a girl who likes her man to be a certain height, that’s her right. But I would consider it one of the more shallow criteria standards one could possess.
Gentlemen, you already know height isn’t in your control, so focus on what is. We’ll talk about more of what these things are in later sections, but if a guy like me can go on dates with girls who are taller than him (and I have), then so can you.
2. “She rejected me because of my weight.”
And now we come to something that IS in your control: your weight.
I recommend staying in shape not just to improve your dating appeal, but also, more obviously, for your own health. Being overweight and obese is not healthy, and it does one good to look after themselves to ensure their weight doesn’t spiral out of control.
It’s not always easy to commit to a gym routine. It’s not always easy to stay away from calorie-dense foods. I get it.
But if you’re not taking care of yourself and you’re being rejected for it, the onus is still on you.
I lost roughly 25 pounds (about 11 kgs) in a span of a few months without going to the gym. I knew I had to take better care of myself, so I watched my diet, moderated my caloric consumption, and even found creative ways to work out at home.
- I got a bag and filled it up with heavy things to create a makeshift dumbbell for bicep curls with adjustable weight.
- I lifted one end of my bed frame with the mattress on it for other curl variations, rows, and squats.
- I stuck with the old traditions like sit-ups and push-ups.
- I downloaded and did daily workouts on calisthenics apps.
How badly do you want to make a difference in your life?
Like I said, the most important thing for this section is your health, but when you take better care of yourself and it shows, that increases your dating appeal as a side bonus.
3. “I’m X years old and I’m a virgin.”
Oh boy, this is a very common one that I see.
I actually spend a decent amount of time on Reddit during downtime reading about people’s lives and just like in person, being a virgin seems to be a common insecurity in the online world too.
Part of me understands where that insecurity can stem from. Being sexually inexperienced could imply a lack of desire for the person in question.
People also generally just feel uncomfortable when they don’t know what to do or what they’re doing in any given situation, and they don’t like being labeled as someone who’s uninformed and inexperienced.
If you think about it, no one feels insecure about who took their first steps first. No one argues about who learned how to brush their teeth faster. So why do we give so much significance to when one has sex for the first time?
Romance isn’t something that should be rushed, and racing others to sex isn’t my idea of a sensible or healthy competition. People value sex differently and withholding intercourse for whatever reason is nobody’s business but yours.
Let me tell you now that the only people who’ll mock you for being a virgin are the people you don’t want to be around anyway.
And the right person who comes around won’t make fun of you for it either.
4. “I’ve never kissed or been intimate with someone.”
Basically the same thing as #3. Different milestones get hit at different points for everyone.
While I definitely recommend getting some romantic experience in while you’re young just so you don’t have to totally blindly navigate the dating world as an older adult (which isn’t impossible, it just makes it harder), don’t just do it for the sake of checking off a box.
I also cannot stress enough to have the courage to make consensual romantic moves.
If you’re a guy, you’re usually expected to be the one making the majority of the initial advances, and without guts, you’re not going to see as much progress in your dating life as you’d like.
By the way, ladies reading this, I can promise you on behalf of many (if not most or all) men that we appreciate when you take initiative as well. It’s not a turnoff. If it turns a guy off, he’s insecure. Don’t make men do all the work.
Anyway, I still remember my first kiss like it was yesterday. I’m not going to spill all the details here (sorry, but not really!), but it was clear that at the end of the night, in the silence, she was waiting for something.
I forced myself to have the courage to ask her: “Is it too early to ask for a kiss?”
After chickening out in all my previous experiences with girls, I knew I didn’t want to leave that night kicking myself because I was too afraid to ask for even a kiss.
I accepted that I had to overcome that fear eventually, if I wanted to get anywhere.
She gave me this really sweet smile and shook her head, assuring me that it was not, in fact, too early for a kiss. We had been on a date or two already.
That’s how my first kiss happened.
Take your time. Find the right person to kiss. And enjoy it.
5. “She rejected me because I’m ‘poor.’”
Guys, never EVER be with a woman who clearly only wants you for your money. And yeah, the same obviously goes for women who get exploited by men, but the former seems to be more common.
You can tell if someone is only sticking around you for your money by these few symptoms:
- Expects you to pay for everything.
- Only contacts you to ask for money or for you to buy something.
- Wants expensive things like jewelry and designer accessories.
- Asks you to eat out all the time and dine in at expensive restaurants.
- Is clearly not emotionally interested or invested in you, or is to a degree that satisfies you just enough while they take your money.
So if a girl rejects you because you don’t make enough, there’s a chance she was looking to dig gold.
Of course, there are people out there who do well for themselves who want their partner to be on a similar financial level and will reject those who aren’t, and that’s their right.
Just be aware of those who dig for gold when given the chance. Don’t put anyone you’re dating or interested in on a pedestal. You don’t have to pay for everything and if they don’t offer to pay a dime for anything over time, that’s a gigantic red flag and you should leave them.
6. “All men/women suck and I’m going to die alone.”
Oof. What an extremely dangerous way to view life.
I’ve already written about how dangerous it is to give up when deep down inside, you don’t want to. This is one of those prime examples of giving up that I see people resign to quite a bit.
Firstly, let’s get the generalization out of the way: not ALL men/women suck. It’s the men/women YOU’VE met who suck, and not every single one of them on the planet.
Some people suck, but that’s just how life is. And when things are not in your control, it does you no good to stress over them.
Secondly, if you think you’re going to die alone and you resolve to die alone, you will.
This is the part where you sit down somewhere quiet and take some time to think about what it is you’re truly feeling. Take a damn hour if you need, but by the end of that time, you need to have an honest answer.
If you’re questioning yourself, there’s a 99.999% chance you fall under this umbrella.
Very, very few people actually genuinely resign themselves (happily, I might add) to a life of being single and then actually end up dying single.
That number is so low because what people are actually dealing with is being burnt out with dating life stress.
Getting burnt out over something like this does not typically lead to a permanent, life-altering decision, as much as you might feel like it does in the heat of the moment (pun intended).
So go get a breath of fresh air if you need one. Take a break from dating.
But perpetually whining that everyone sucks and that you’re going to die alone does you no good in the long run. The former is obviously not true and there’s a 99.999% chance you wouldn’t genuinely be satisfied with dying alone over the long run so don’t act like that’s what your fate is.
Sure, I might’ve pulled that percentage out of the air, but I didn’t do the same with the truth.