Dating shouldn't really be that hard.

In an ideal world, it really wouldn't be.

But people make it that way. Both men and women.

Take it from a guy who's been around the block. Men and women bring different kinds of problems into the dating realm.

My most popular article already points men in the right direction to be able to take rejection, which is arguably one of the biggest hiccups women deal with.

Whether it's a man who:

  • can't take no for an answer
  • blows up and gets violent for being rejected
  • goes about retaliating in some more underhanded way
  • spirals into depression and guilts you because you rejected him

I can see why women are a bit hesitant to reject men to their face.

But speaking of faces, let's face it:

Women, you are also responsible for being forthcoming in your interest level.

And I'm going to dive into why this is the case, as well as give the ladies a few more tips on how to get better results with dating men.

Everybody wins if people get better at dating, so you can trust that I'm not going to tell you anything that isn't real advice.

There might be a few generalizations here, but I'm speaking from lived experience, anecdotes, and truths.

Just. Be. Honest.

Why don't we just expand on what I said in the beginning, to start this off?

Like I said, I already gave the guys a rundown on how to take rejection better and use it to better themselves.

Ladies, it's your turn.

If you're not interested in a guy, just tell him "no."

It's really not that hard.

Being honest about how you feel doesn't just do you good in your dating life.

  • Ask your boss for that raise because you think you deserve more.
  • If someone's words hurt, bring up your concerns.
  • Your friend has some chocolate smeared on their cheek, so tell them.

And I have news for you: two years ago, I also wrote an article on honesty that you can check out while you're here.

Because here's what happens when you give the guy the idea that you're interested, when you're not really:

  • He gets excited about the prospect of taking you out.
  • He plans a nice date for you.
  • And he reaches out to secure logistics.

Maybe he reaches out more than once.

Maybe he texts you several times, even though you're not texting back, because hey, you gave him your number, right?

"That must mean she wants to go out, right?" he thinks to himself.

But surprise, surprise: the man's not a mind-reader.

So he's left to play the guessing game of "is she just busy or is she not interested?"

  • "Did I say something wrong?"
  • "Was she just being nice?"
  • "What's taking her so long to reply?"

Poor guy. I've been there.

So have many other guys.

And what happens to many guys, when this happens to them over, and over, and over?

They get jaded about dating.

They start to spiral and think all women are like this.

They brush off genuine advances from genuinely interested women because they don't wanna get hurt again.

They close themselves off.

And do you know what could've saved these guys from the stress of the guessing games?

Being honest about your lack of interest.

This should be obvious, but I'm going to say it anyway:

💭
You don't owe anybody your interest.

He could've been the most handsome man in the world with the perfect approach, but even then, you don't owe him a date.

Humans are autonomous creatures. Saying "no" is an inalienable right.

And that's all you have to do, if you're not feeling it.

And while you're at it, don't be a dick about it either.

  • Don't condescendingly laugh at the guy for trying.
  • Or make a joke about him in front of your friends.
  • Don't give him this disgusted look and ask "are you joking?"

All you have to do is say: "sorry, I'm not interested!"

You don't really need to elaborate either, since a "no" is sufficient.

But the bottom line is: just say "no" and save the both of you some time and energy.

You'll both be better off for it.

Once bitten, permanently shy

The unfortunate reality for a lot of men is that they're raised to be "tough."

I remember the things my father taught me about what it means to be a "man":

  • No crying.
  • No showing emotion.
  • "Suck it up."

He basically taught me that being tough, being a man, was about being emotionless and closed off.

But underneath the hard exterior that men give off exists a human heart, just like yours.

A heart that feels, mourns, laughs, cries, and hurts.

Some men take a while to open up, since many aren't taught how to communicate their feelings.

And so if you've reached a point to where a guy opens up to you about his past, trauma, or hardships:

Make sure you don't mock him or downplay what he's feeling.
💭
Because there IS a point of no return, where, once you've destroyed a man's inner child, innocence, and playful side, he will not come back to you. Ever.

He took a risk in showing you his vulnerable side, so if you take a knife to it, he will mentally check out and just might physically walk out on the spot.

It takes a lot for men to feel comfortable being vulnerable with anyone, let alone with someone they're romantically interested in.

Protect and appreciate who he's showing you, who he is when he's at his most comfortable.

Don't be the woman who lets him down.

If you're a queen, make sure he's your king

There's a saying that floats around, that 88% of men only receive their first flowers at their funeral.

It's hard to back this up, but I wouldn't be surprised if at least the majority of men went their entire lives without receiving flowers.

Sure, flowers might be labeled a more feminine gift, but it's not so much about what the gift is so much as it is about men receiving gifts in general.

We already know that traditionally, men have been expected to do the heavy lifting in the initial stages of dating.

  • They're the ones to approach you and ask you out, risking rejection.
  • They're the ones who pick you up and drop you off.
  • They're the ones who pay for the date.

And even come Valentine's Day, they're the ones who're supposed to get you the box of chocolates and flowers.

Needless to say, women are getting a pretty sweet ride out of the gate on the princess treatment, or even the queen treatment.

Some men might be perfectly and genuinely comfortable with consistently spoiling the girl they're seeing, but I have a different message for you ladies:

Treat your man back.

The guy you're with or seeing might be spoiling you because he feels obligated.

Maybe he isn't used to getting things back, so he feels stuck in the role of just giving without expecting anything in return.

And if you actually care about him and like him, and you wanna light his whole world up, give him something back.

  • Treat him to a nice dinner for once.
  • Take him out to his favorite movie in theaters.
  • Plan a whole day's itinerary for the two of you.
  • Surprise him with the flowers and chocolates for Valentine's Day.

I'm a firm believer in both people pulling their weight in a relationship. And it isn't just about money.

  • You make time for each other.
  • You plan things for each other.
  • You think of each other.
  • You support each other.

And the opposite is also true. If the guy you're with or seeing isn't pulling his weight and you find you're doing way more than he is, he's probably not the guy for you.

💭
The point is, you can't be the queen if he doesn't get to be your king.

There are girls who use guys for free drinks and dinner dates because they take advantage of society's expectations on men's heavy lifting in the initial stages.

News flash: if you're one of them, you're not all that.

Looks hook, but the personality is what sticks

Let's have one more tip that's seriously important for women to understand:

Your looks might captivate a guy, but they don't replace an ugly person.

I'm telling you right now as a guy, that if you're hot but you treat men like garbage, you're probably just going to be used for sex, but nothing of real value is going to come out the other end.

💭
Looks are what spark attraction, but if you're selfish, rude, fake, and dramatic, no self-respecting guy is going to want to date you seriously.

Here are some things that I look for personally, that many guys also like:

  • Genuine kindness and thoughtfulness
  • A hearty laugh and a sense of humor
  • Sharp wit and top-notch banter skills
  • Playfulness and vulnerability
  • Generosity and caring
  • Down-to-earth and honest
  • Mature and communicative

These are the qualities of a girl with a winning personality that get a man to stick with her.

So if you're finding that a lot of guys try to get with you but none really stay, it might be time to take a look in the mirror.

Don't get me wrong, it could just be bad luck and a bad streak of men, but being introspective and self-reflecting never hurts.

Just like how you might not want a hot guy who's abusive and treats you like trash, don't be the hot girl who's bitchy and walks all over her man.

In truth, like I said at the beginning, I don't think dating needs to be rocket science, but some people just make it that way.

  • The guessing games
  • The ghosting and flaking
  • The "hot and cold" / push and pull
  • The misunderstandings

Some people might like the chase for the thrill, but the older you get, the less complicated you want things.

Because eventually, games aren't the fun kind anymore. They become annoying.

When you're feeling ready to settle down, do you still wanna play "guess if he likes me or not?"

I can tell you guys don't really wanna play "guess if she likes me or not?"

And that might honestly just lead you to the right one: the one who makes it crystal clear to you and takes away all the stress.

So if you're a woman and want to date successfully, simply be honest and treat your man right.

And if you're getting burned, you're probably not pursuing the right men.

Being burned isn't a sign that you're doing something wrong.

It reflects on the kind of men you pursue, not on you.

Just keep swimming, and you'll find your king eventually.