If you ever find yourself uttering something along the lines of “I wish I had even just 1% of the confidence that other guy has” with your fingers crossed, you’re doing it wrong.
The same thing applies to “I wish I looked as fit as she does.”
And even “I wish I could live like they do.”
The Issue with Wishes
Say that three times fast!
Aside from the possibility of them motivating you, wishes are meaningless.
Anybody can wish something would be different, but not everybody’s wishes come true. Can you guess why?
One should spend less time wishing things would be different and start working toward closing the gap. If, of course, the desire and intent are deep and present enough.
Having a wish is good for the sole possibility of it motivating you to take action, as previously mentioned. Getting started sometimes requires a good source of inspiration, especially an inspiration to change something for the better.
However, one should also become best friends with discipline so that as the wishful thinking waxes and wanes, the execution of action never stops.
Get a Game Plan Together
Let’s use the confidence example I started the article with.
If you watch a video of a guy cold-approaching girls on the street and successfully landing phone numbers, you’re bound to see countless comments under the video stating something along the lines of wanting to have the guy’s level of confidence.
I invite you to tell me how much typing your wishes on a keyboard is going to help you increase your level of confidence so that you can comfortably approach girls on the street.
If you're honest with me, you're going to say zilch. Because that's the truth.
Compare wishful thinking to getting a game plan together that you can follow and execute to get to where you want to be.
In this particular example, a good step one could be to take some time in the mirror to build up internal confidence before you start approaching.
Hype yourself up. Be your own best cheerleader. Think about what makes you great and why anyone you'd approach would want to go out with you.
If you're struggling to find likable things about yourself, then I'd even work on that prior to this step. Baseline confidence is good for anyone to have, whether they're trying to shoot their shot in the dating field or not.
But let's say you have that baseline confidence already, and you want more of it to approach random people on the street.
In that case, your go-to step would likely be to simply start approaching people. In a case like this, a fast and efficient way to get over your fears is to immerse yourself in them.
Don't overthink it. Just do it.
The Problem With the Plan
"Wait, didn't you just recommend getting a plan together? What problem are you talking about?"
They get paralyzed before they take any real, meaningful action. This might sound like:
- "I need to make sure I buy some new clothes first before approaching anyone."
- "I should change my diet before going into the gym looking this fat."
- "Things have to be perfect before I get started, or I'll start badly."
These are just some examples, and maybe you can relate to them because they sound exactly like you or similar to what you already internalize.
Starting with a plan is a great step, but the planning phase is not the phase you're supposed to park in.
Don't get caught up in the notion that things have to be picture-perfect in order for you to get started.
Imperfect action is better than no action at all.
Of course, this doesn't mean just take action without thinking about it because action is better than no action, but that's why we talked about establishing a game plan first.
Be smart about your moves, but don't forget to make a move.
Stop parking yourself in "wish territory" and get a move on.